Cages of our own Making [updated]
Many of us are familiar with the concept of psychological defences; we do certain things or avoid other things to protect ourselves from the things in life that we find
The Seduction of the ‘Born Alone’ Myth
Many of us have heard the expression that ‘we are born alone and we die alone’; many of us have nodded our heads at the wisdom of it, feeling that
Are We Prepared to Pay the Price of Honesty?
For many of us, it is important that the people around us are honest. We want to be able to trust what we hear. Conversely, when we are around people
Caught Between Wishing and Fearing
For each of us, there are things that we want and things that we don’t want. It seems natural to assume that we work towards having the things we want,
The Core Self and The Edge Self
When we think about ourselves and who we are, we think of the things that we are and do, feel and believe. All of these things make up the person
Allowing Ourselves to Have Healthy Dependency
We often think that would like to be independent from other people; this is especially true if we have had difficult relationships with others. We imagine that if we weren’t dependent,
When Antidepressants Aren’t Enough
People who suffer from depression are prescribed antidepressants because there is a place for them in managing this condition. However, for some people they may not be enough; for them, a
Me, You and Assigning Blame
Things go wrong and people get blamed. Sometimes it can be hard to work out if the person getting blamed is the person who should bear the blame. There is
When Some Things Can’t be Changed
When we think of counselling or psychotherapy, we think of things that we would like to change about ourselves; we wonder how we might be different after these changes. But
Counselling Priorities: Exploring or Coping?
When people think about starting a process like counselling or psychotherapy, the first thing that many of them think about is how painful it is to start exploring history and
Secrets: In Time, Truth Will Out
Difficult things happen to all of us. Sometimes when this happens we often protect ourselves from these traumatic memories by removing them from our conscious — effectively, forgetting them. This
The Power of Negative Thinking
We have all heard the expression ‘think positive’; it’s often claimed that if we start thinking negatively, then all is lost. Negative thinking is seen as always a bad thing, and
Causality: What You Did to Me
When it comes to the heated interactions between people, we often think in terms of one-way causality; what you did to me has an effect on me, or, I did a
The End to Magical Thinking
When we suffer, we want a relief to our suffering quickly so we seek out those we think can help. When we have a medical problem, we seek out a
Soothing and Living with Your Inner Critic
Many of us have an inner critic that sits on our shoulder and judges all that we do. This constant stream of commentary and advice is undermining and can leave
Being of Influence: Beyond Punishment and Reward
When we think of changing a child’s behaviour, we often think of rewards and punishments. We believe certain behaviour should be rewarded, and other behaviour punished. We also believe that if
Living with Everyday Misery and Illusion
Freud once said that each of us needs to make the choice between a life of everyday misery and illusion. Even though he said this more than hundred years ago,
What is Emotional Fitness (And Do You Have It?)
We seem to have a pretty clear idea about what physical fitness is. I think that many people would also agree on what mental fitness is. However, when it comes
The Pleasures and Perils of Living Alone
Many people live alone, and the number is rising in many developed countries. People almost universally see it as a bad thing and a sign of the loss of community,
Therapy: Becoming More Yourself, not Less
One of the things that can concern those starting a process like psychotherapy or counselling is that the process will force them to lose their sense of uniqueness and self,
Parts of Us: Our Lego Selves
When we think of psychotherapy, we often think about things in ourselves we would like to change. Sometimes we want to understand ourselves better, and because we don’t like some
Therapy: Getting Your Lost Self Back
What happens to the lost part of ourselves? We remember ourselves being so different; happy, alive, brave, carefree, loving and generous. We seem so different to this now even though
Objectivity: Why We Can’t Hope to Achieve It
We all know the feeling; when we are experiencing emotions, it is hard for us to take in new information. We believe that if only we were feeling less, we
Letting Ourselves Down: A Matter of Perspective?
We can sometimes feel that we are letting ourselves down. We have ideals about the sorts of people we would like to be, and the way we want to live