Our Brains: Wired to Feel Bad
Why do we feel bad so often? It certainly seems that there are many more emotions that people don’t want to feel – anger, sadness, fear, shame, guilt, disgust –
Moods and Emotions: What’s The Difference?
When we are trying to deal with the world of emotion, we can often forget or be confused about the differences between moods and emotions. Knowing what are moods and
Understand Me and I’ll Understand You
One of the things that people are seeking when they start the process of psychotherapy or counselling is to be understood. Often they feel that they are misunderstood by family
Negative Emotions: How the Myth Persists
We’ve all been given the advice that we should get rid of our negative emotions. We feel that if we only have positive emotions, we’ll have better lives. However, in
More Frightening than the Unknown
It is very common for people to have a fear of the unknown. We don’t know is ahead of us, and we can sometimes doubt our ability to handle it
Unloading Our Impossible Burden of Guilt
Many of us live with impossible burdens. We need to carry on, even when we are faced with difficult circumstances, failing relationships, feelings of deep loss, crushing disappointment, pessimism about
Coping with Your Feelings: How Do You Do It?
For many people, their feelings give them trouble. Strong emotions arise all the time and people can find them very hard to deal with. For people in this situation, there
The Behaviour Trap
I often get asked the question – “how can I control my feelings?”. It’s a sign that the person is in an uncomfortable time of their life, where they wish
“These Crazy Feelings Are Making Me Crazy!”
We can sometimes have the sensation that our feelings are out of control – so out of control that we will be driven crazy by them. They seem to always
Living in a Tyranny of Compulsory Happiness
I was recently asked by a friend to comment on a quote from a TV show; “Hi Tim, I am curious for your comments on this quote…”Not everybody has to
Reading the Messages on Our Faces
For many of us, our feelings are private; we can feel embarrassment or shame when others see us experience them. Our feelings often seem so hard to hide from people
ANZAC Day: They Were So Very Young
We all have our difficulties; at times they overwhelm us and leave us feeling hopeless and in despair. These difficulties are very real, and consume us. And yet on a
Addiction Recovery: The Slow Fix
If you have an addiction, you have many good reasons to want to quickly have it dealt with and behind you so you can get on with life. This is
Golf , Relationships and a Sense of Self
Watching the U.S. Masters golf on TV on Monday, I was struck by a couple of things. One of the most powerful was about a sense of self. Persisting without
How to Stop the Cycle of Trauma
If you are in the middle of dealing with your own difficulties, then it can be harder to focus on the difficulties of others. It seems that you need all
Helping Anxious People: Your Calmness Doesn’t Help
Sometimes in a couple – let’s call them Sam and Lee – you might find one of them seems quite calm and the other might seem quite anxious. It would
What Would Make You Happy?
Ask anyone ‘what would make you happy?’ and you’re likely to get an answer in terms of money. We can often think in terms of how much money it would
Politics and People: Strong Opinions
Mention climate change, immigration or the Occupy movement and you’ll hear a lot of strong opinions both for and against. People take up passionate positions on these and many other
Our Compulsion to Comply: How to Break Free
Many of us know the feeling – the pull to do what another person wants and to let our own needs take a back seat. Whilst to put another person
The Simple Mistake We Make about Boredom
You can frequently hear people in our social circles or in the media talk about being bored. They can be bored by other people’s opinions, bored with their lives, bored
The Affects (5): Anger – Rage
In a previous post, I have discussed affects in general. Today, in the fifth of an occasional series, I look at ‘Anger-Rage’. Affects are normal body responses If you are
Vulnerability and The Paradox of Defence
It’s very common for us to want to change our thought patterns or behaviours. We can be uncomfortable with the things we think and do, and find that other people
The Affects (4) Fear – Terror
In a previous post, I have discussed the Affects System. Today, in the fourth of a series, I look at ‘Fear- Terror’ (i.e. the range from fear through to terror).
The Gift of Giving
In an article in the New York Times, Tara Parker-Pope has said that the giving of gifts “is a surprisingly complex and important part of human interaction, helping to define