Why Am I Always Thinking About The Past?
People tend to be quite different in the things they think about. Some people are always thinking about the future, and the good and bad things that might happen to them. Other people have their mind mainly in the present without much thought for the past or future. Other people have an orientation more towards the past, but there are two quite different ways of thinking about the past. These two ways of thinking about the past are known as rumination and introspection.
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There are some key differences between these two types of thinking about the past – rumination and introspection are quite different.
Introspection – curiosity and self-exploration
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Firstly, introspection means thinking about the things that happen to you with an attitude of curiosity and self-exploration. To display introspection means to be interested in your past and to try to draw some conclusions about yourself or other people. Or, to simply spend time thinking about the pleasurable things in your past. Introspection can add real colour and depth to your current experiences and also includes notions such as nostalgia and sentimentality. Introspection has a light and inquisitive tone to it. You can definitely get a lot from increasing the time that you spend in introspection.
Introspection can lead you to learning more about yourself. This gives you better information about how you've changed over time and why you do what you do. It can also be really valuable to increase your problem solving skills. Not only do you know more about yourself, but the calm reflection brought on by introspection helps you work through your problems.
A colleague, Marg Ryan, has written about introspection and grief.
Rumination – regret and ‘wheel spinning'
On the other hand, when we think about the past in terms of the regrets we have, we are ruminating. At those times, where we think about the past and we wonder what we might have done differently, or we wonder about the actions of others, we are essentially spinning our wheels. In doing this, we don't draw anything from the past but continue to sink our present moment into our regrets.
There is little pleasure or insight to be gained from rumination; on the contrary, it's more associated with anxiety and depression. Rumination has a heavy and automatic tone to it.
We can sometimes mistake rumination for problem-solving. Just because we're thinking about the past and our actions, we can think that were actually sorting things out. The truth is, we're just going round and round in a circle. In addition, there is often a heavy self-critical tone to rumination.
Rather than being a way out of problems, it's often a way to replay our failures and torture ourselves. Little good comes from rumination.
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Telling the difference between rumination and introspection
So how can you tell if you're being introspective or ruminative? I think it comes down to what you are gaining from thinking about the past. If you feel that you are drawing lessons from the past, or enjoying the past then it's more likely that you're being introspective. On the other hand, if your thoughts about the past are full of regrets and bitterness, or your thoughts have a repetitive automatic quality, it's likely that you are ruminating.
Another clue is if you keep coming back to the same thoughts or not. There's something about introspection which is progressive. We do it and it takes us forward. Sometimes this involves problem-solving, or it might just be the replaying of happy memories.
In contrast, the repetitive nature of rumination doesn't take us forward; instead it takes us into an unpleasant or even destructive cycle.
Rumination – wasted time
We are free to think anything we like, and many people find enjoyment from thinking about the things that happened in the past. However, at any given point there are lots of things that we can be thinking about. To spend our time in rumination takes us away from the other things that we could be thinking about such as the pleasant past, the present, or the future.
Rumination drags the past over our eyes and infects the present.
Transforming rumination into introspection
So how can you turn rumination into introspection?
- Notice yourself thinking about the past.
- Ask yourself what you are getting from these thoughts about the past. If you find that you aren't drawing anything from the thoughts of the past that you might be able to use in your present or in your future, ask yourself questions like ‘what lessons can I draw from this experience?' or ‘what action can I take now to prevent this from happening again?'
- Notice the situations that you ruminate over. Rather than just revisiting the past, is there some way that you can put the past to rest?
- Are there particular times when you're drawn to rumination? Perhaps there are times when you really need to bring your attention back to the present.
Taking action
Counselling can be very useful when we constantly ruminate about the past. It can give you a way to break out of the repetitive thinking about the past, to extend our thinking into the present moment, and into the future. We can start thinking it in terms of hope, optimism and positivity. Counselling strongly supports the growth and development of people and consequently has a strong emphasis on introspection over rumination. After all, rumination isn't going to create any more pleasant memories for us to enjoy, and resolves nothing.
I offer counselling in my offices in the Richmond suburb of Melbournem Australia and Sunbury, as well as online counselling world-wide. Please click here to make contact with me for a free initial consultation.
I'd be interested in your thoughts about this – please let me know in the comments below. If you found this interesting, I have written a similar blog post about A Focus on The Future.
-Tim Hill
Source: Gabbard, G. O. Long-term psychodynamic psychotherapy – a basic text, 2nd edition, American Psychiatric Publishing Inc, New York
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.
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Good explanation Tim, very helpful. I love the steps from rumination to introspection, it makes life more pleasurable.
Thanks Cait, I’m glad you found it helpful.
Nice article Tim. Very helpful. I am myself trying to beat the ruminating habit and turn into productive introspection and your article is very helpful
Hi Rohan, I’m glad you found it helpful for you. Ruminating can be a difficult thing to get on top of but I think the first step is to discover that you’re doing it, and the second step is to decide to address it. Clearly, you’ve passed those steps and are on the way to making changes. Good on you, and good luck!
Yes. What you said happens to me all the time. I ruminate quite often but at the same time I try to draw some conclusion from it. The problem is how not to think about the past?
Hi Sampat, I think there is asome value in trying to draw some conclusions, but I would perhaps try to move my attention to other things when you start ruminating. A good way to do this is to take a deep breath, let it out, then imagine that you are stepping out in a new mental direction. A really key thing is not not be critical with yourself about ruminating – this is a sure way to stay trapped with it. All the best!
Hello sir today u make me soooooooooo relief , today I’m able to know what actually im doing by thinking my past Sir I want to tell u that in 2016 I was in depression nearly about 5-6 months because of may reasons but the main damage is done by my girlfriend Sir some times in night I cry a lot like 2 yr old kid actually main reason is she done already sex with someone and she just shows interest in some other boys even after 5 year relationship with me but I have too much regrets that I had wasted my time and money on her . Today I just want to change my past and most of time I think about my past I’m just very very very hurt from inside
What about when you constantly keep on thinking about a time in the past that was amazing and you keep on wanting to go back there?
Hi Jane, thanks for your comment. Although wanting to return to an amazing time in the past is really natural, it can also be very uncomfortable and a source of sadness that you can’t return there, especially if some aspect of the memory has changed (such as you have lost a person in the memory, or you or your circumstances have changed).
I think in these situations we need to find a way to still draw pleasure from the memory, even though circumstances have changed. We need to find a way to enjoy the amazing things that have happened to us and to savour the pleasures of our memory, without that pleasure being wiped out by the knowledge that the amazing times have ended. To help us do this, it can be useful to think of the memory as having two parts; the pleasurable part, and then the part that isn’t pleasurable (the loss that came after). This can help us focus on the part that is pleasurable, and replay that for that is worth. It can help if we remember that, even though the amazing times have ended, they were still amazing and there’s nothing wrong in staying with our pleasurable memories. I think this separating the memory into two parts is similar to what other people mean when they talk of ‘letting go’.
I have talked a little mor about this process in another blog post (http://timhillpsychotherapy.com/too-many-regrets/)
I hope you’re able to enjoy the amazing memories, Jane, without so much pain.
Very helpful and so glad I came across it. Thanks!
Hi Shaun, I am really glad you found it helpful – thanks for your comment.
Great article with excellent ideas about how to change unhelpful thinking – thank you for sharing!
Hi Rachel – I am glad that it’s been of help to you, and hope it helps sort things out! Thanks for your kind words.
Dear sir, you have given very consistent explanation, it has also been explained some how in Srimadbhagwad Gita.
Thank you Amresh for your comment; I was not aware that what I had written was also explained in the Srimad Bhagavad Gita but I thank you for making me aware. I hope you found what I wrote useful for you.
Great blog post. It’s so hard to have a positive present when we are stuck in the thoughts and emotions regarding the past.
Thanks for your comment, Robert. You make an important point; any hope we might have for living a satisfying life inevitably means making the most of the present, and this becomes impossible when our present thoughts and emotions are consumed by the unchangeable past.
This is the best article i have ever read on ruminating (and I have read many)! I am constantly dwelling on some very recent negative events of the past, one of which caused me great embarrassment. Doing so has caused me great anxiety, so much so that I have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and am currently on medication. Rumination has also caused me to lose sleep. I am currently working with a therapist to try to overcome this. It is very difficult. I know that ruminating serves absolutely no purpose and is self-destructive. Thank you for a very insightful article.
Thank you for your kind words, Mary Ann. I’m very pleased that you were able to find the article useful for you. I am very glad to hear that you are working with a therapist. Being able to talk to someone about the problem who is understanding and gentle but also resolutely helpful can do a lot to help you overcome it. Your words illustrate that even though we know better, it can be hard to stop doing it (which can make us even more self-critical). I wish you all the best with it.
What a great article! I do have a question… What defines the “past”? As I work through a broken relationship my spouse says I always talk about the past. I view the past as being a substantial amount of time ago, he views the past as a conversion from the day or days before. How do you decide what is past and what is an unresolved problem in a relationship that must be addressed. We both work with separate therapists and get two different views…or at least our perception of the views. I am not without my communication struggles but believe we must talk through the conflict(mostly excessive drinking) before we can move forward.
We never break through the conflict just discuss it and not resolve anything. How do you differentiate talking through conflict and hanging onto the past?
Hi Julianne,
That’s a good question. In one sense the past is everything in history older than the current second, but for the purposes of the article, it is about the problematic past. You and your spouse are both right in a sense – you are are both talking about the past – but it seems like ‘the past’ means different things to both of you. Even narrowing further, it seems you are saying that your spouse thinks you don’t have a problem with the past because he doesn’t agree about what ‘the past’ means. Essentially, the past is problematic if you feel it is; if you spouse doesn’t agree, then it likely makes it more problematic.
Although I don’t think I’m in a position to advise you – I don’t know you – it does seem that talking through things doesn’t change things – and it’s change you are looking for. From an Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) perspective, couples often need to get beyond the familiar patterns of interacting to connect with the deeper emotions and attachment between them before change can happen.
I hope this helps.
Thank you so much for your article, it really opened my eyes.
Hi Geraldine,
I am glad you found it useful, and thank you so much for saying so – it’s really appreciated.
Tim
I often think about my past; mostly about past hurts within the family and an ended relationship. I constantly think about my actions and even say out loud “What the hell was I thinking”?! I replay conversations that have happened, things that happened in the situation and even think about the things people said to me – and sometimes, I even respond to the thought out loud. I do have depression but this article made me think could it be anxiety too? Is it more than just depression? A certain song will come on and it will bring back memories of an ex: and it’s extremely detailed – when the song comes on I automatically think about this person, the apartment I was living in at the time and my ex…..like things that went on in that apartment (I haven’t lived there in 3 years). I figure there must be a reason why but I can’t seem to get a grip. I won’t even be thinking about it then like a light switch, it pops up in my head and there go the thoughts about the past again. I’m wondering if it could even be a form of PTSD…
Hi Ashley,
It is hard for me to say what it is without knowing you. However, I do know that many people experience intrusive thoughts like this and they can be very specific. I do also feel that for many people, these thoughts can dissipate over time. They just get drowned out by the other events that happen to us; things that are more recent often have a greater call on our immediate thinking. One thing that is hard to recommend with this is to be too hard on yourself – you aren’t actively bringing the thoughts to mind, and to be critical of yourself just emphasises how much these thoughts can have a hold on you.
I Hope this helps.
Tim
Wow, such wonderful information, was really wondering why after 50 years I have gone back to a really great time in my life and relive it again and again. Resulted in my smiling more, feeling great love, understanding the why of it could not be. Of course that makes me sad but still feels good to visit. Had never ever before thought or even remembered much about it. I truly felt zapped back there and felt there had to be a reason. Thank you will be looking for more of you.
Hi Angela,
Thanks for you comment, and I am glad that you found it valuable. That’s a very human thing to do isn’t it? – to take ourselves back to a time from the past and to have a mixture of feelings about those times including sadness, warmth, regret, wisdom, acceptance etc. It can help us realise that resolution of things is rarely a simple thing, with a simple outcome; instead, there can be a lot of complexity and multilayering. In a sense, perhaps it is those complex feelings that are most appealing to us.
Really interesting article Tim. I have always thought about my thoughts and I ask myself “what’s wrong me”?. I have thought to talk to a psychologist but haven’t done yet!
It’s a relief to know that i can get over my thoughts!
I will search more about it!
Thanks a fortune!
Hi David,
I am glad that you found what I wrote helpful for you. Feeling that there is something wrong with us is a very human thing to do; it would be hard to find someone who hasn’t had those thoughts, and it can be just a product of the modern world – we tend to show just the best side of ourselves to people, hiding the parts we are not sure about or which we feel will be unacceptable. This is one of the side benefits of therapy – having someone say ‘you aren’t crazy, everyone has thoughts like that sometimes’ can be such a relief.
Thank you for this post! It is very helpful. What I noticed about thinking about the past that is kinda difficult to move forward when someone (like my sister) keeps dragging you down about it. It is always the same thing, at times when something doesn’t fit her mood or situation. I tend to think she might have a problem either depression anxiety or something else. But what I noticed for 14 years long is that when she drags me back into the past (some traumatic events) I am getting myself in the stage of overthinking, drepressd, disturbing sleeping, angry sad and all of those emotions togheter. When she is not bringing the past in conversation I never thought about it, but when she does I ruminate kinda of months and I don’t feel good about it.
I broke my relationship with her since I felt that that vicious circle is dangerous to my health. But what you wrote above about the past is exactly what she does to me and my father and everyone who she is upset with so I think she is in that ruminating stage for years since this always comes back. I don’t know why does she has a problem? I tried to talk that she finds help but she says she ain’t the problem she is not “crazy” was her response. I don’t know how to help her but I choose to help myself by breaking relation completely since it felt so toxic to my mental health. I am now 7 months further with therapy and is getting better but every time she tries to contact me gets me back to the first stage. It is very difficult.
Ps sorry for my English is not my mother language. And thank you again for this article, helps a lots!!
Hi Juless, thank you for your comment. This does sound like a difficult situation with your sister, one that you seem to be working on resolving. Getting some help with these hard family problems is a good way to go; hopefully it will lead to a better outcome for you – and a better outcome for her too, in the end.
My goodness, this article has made me aware of what I was doing that would make me so unhappy. I was ruminating, pointlessly spinning the wheels in my mind and headed nowhere fast. Thank you very much for this article, I can guarantee you that from the moment I read the definition of rumination my whole outlook on life changed. This article is life changing. Thank you, Sir.
NB: Great minds think alike, your wisdom resonates with holy texts…
Thank you very much for your comment, and I am glad you found it of use to you.
Tim, thank you for sharing. We now understand our thoughts better. These two words “introspection” and “rumination” and understanding what they mean help us to clearly categorise our thoughts. This is basically the first and important step. And next most important step will be “how” we are going to transform rumination thoughts into introspective thoughts and then taking the needed actions. Thank you, Tim, I am working on it. You are a great help.
Hi Joseph, I am glad you found the post helpful. You’re right, the distinction between the two is very important, but it is hard for us to instinctively recognise which one we are doing at the time. Some of the questions that you can ask yourself are ‘Am I learning something about my self?’ and ‘Is this way of thinking new to me?’.
Regards,
Tim
Since my grandmother and father passed away I have been in the state of rumination and it is affecting my life in a negative way. For instance, I should be planning for the future or doing what matters now but I would rather waste my time in listening to songs which would remind me of my past. That’s no bueno 🙁
I am sorry to hear about your losses. Whilst rumination can definitely be unproductive, humans also have a need to grieve our losses, especially if they involve the loss of something or somebody that was very important. This grieving process can take a long time – it is impossible to say how long it might take, and I don’t know of a way to make it go faster. However, no matter how unproductive it might seem, I would encourage you to take the time you need to grieve your losses.
Regards,
Tim
Hi Tim,
Most of the it it okay with me but sometimes I become very anxious I start to think about the past how as a child I grown up and how I played how people in my life has aged I start to look around where I was sitting. It feels so bad it seems like everything has changed so fast even I cannot understand it.
I do not know why these things are happening
And I am 15.
Please guide me if you could
Hi Aditi, thank you for your comment. I’m not sure I fully understand your situation, but I do know that I don’t know you well enough to help. I don’t know if it is possible for you, but I would really recommend that you find someone that you trust from your own community or family that you trust that you can talk to, someone who will listen to you and try to understand your fears and anxieties. Finding the right person to talk to can help us so much when we are troubled by what we think. I hope you’re able to find someone that you can talk to.
Regards,
Tim
My daughter randomly talks about past events. Concerning people who are not important in her life at all. Just any event that happened in the past. Then she has to tell someone about her thoughts. She will ring me or her siblings. Or sent a text. The topics can jump from one to the another. Is that OCD?
Hi Sandra, It’s very difficult to know what’s happening or help from the distance, given that I don’t know your daughter or her circumstance. However, if you were concerned a good place to start would be your doctor, who might then be able to make some recommendations for further action to take. I hope this has been of help; I know that it can be worrying when you feel something is wrong, but you’re not quite sure what.
Regards,
Tim
Hi Tim and thank you so very much for this amazing article.
I myself, just starting to be more aware of my thoughts and their patterns, I realized I had this constant what if scenarios about the past, if I only made that choice, If I only haven’t done that and how my life could be now if I chose differently.. to the point there is always always a similar thought coming to my mind, in a specific moment of the day and I realized how harmful it is and how helpless it feels, like I’m trapped in the present instead of healing the past, learning and creating more of what I would enjoy.
Thank you so much for this insightful moment and the new awareness you brought into my life.
Hi Assia, thank you for your kind words, and I am so glad that you found it valuable. Being aware of what you think and the patterns that you unconsciously fall into is so very important as it can be a sign that you’re on the way towards making changes; as they say, awareness is the first step.
All the best for the future – Tim
Thank you so much Sir for sharing your knowledge to us. It is helping me a lot. I was trying to avoid myself thinking about the past and probably mostly resisting myself to it. I realize now that I am most introspecting the whole time. Thank you so much! I am glad to google it out and find your article. Thank you so much!
Is this a just phase? Will it go away? Or is it some mental health issue? I’m curious since these past events keep cycling over and over again when depression hits me out of nowhere. I mean they’re good memories of the past, but somehow I keep comparing them to the present which doesn’t help with my depression. I try to be more positive and such but it doesn’t really help.
Hi Kitty, I’m glad that you’ve found what I’ve written useful for you. – Tim
Hi Yuli, thank you for your comment. It does some time and practice to be able to have some control over your thoughts, and this is especially hard if you are feeling depressed; but it’s worth persisting with. I can only recommend that if you remain concerned about these thoughts that you seek out some help close by. – Tim
Extremely interesting … I recently met a woman that ppl avoid and if find listener short lived because she tells these family problems and how badly they treated her and still do. I love ppl and the Lord has used me thru many yrs to help others I seem to have great discernment (78 in August) When this gal came into my life after she tricked me to go an hour out of my way for a ride I was told Beware manipulative. I found out she wanders looking for attention using the past issues as communication and I at first pushed her away after the 30min drive turned into over 2hrs. But I prayed for her as I found out she is new tenant where I live. She did try very hard to push herself into my life but I held out two weeks before pending my door to her. I did tell her she was wrong to not be truthful about the ride. Ok now hoping you can help me some just do not know where to turn. For three weeks have spent many hours with her, mainly because I live alone with several disabling issues, and wanted not to be another to avoid and shut her out. I have not been able to get her to stop repeating her past… which of course I have no way to check out these stories. I have said all your suggestions..which made me feel better… I used like a hamster running and going nowhere. But so far nothing, than twenty times Can I Live With You, thank you for being my friend. She is 51, married third time for three yrs but husband wants to kick her out. Desperate tonite I google for help and how I found your article and seem to fit. Sorry so long as concise as could explain.
Well thanks for posting such an outstanding idea.[edited]
Hi Gopi, I’m glad you found it useful – Tim
Hi Sandi, thank you for saying that. I’m sorry that I can’t be of specific help to you in your situation, but I do hope you find a resolution that sits well with you – Tim
I am very grateful to have encountered this article,,Its happening to me right now. My wife talks everyday to an outside co-worker. They usually talk between the hours of 8pm and 10pm. She does tell me they talk because he sees her as his sister! She talks about him all the time, his dreams and goals within the company. She seems to happy to be on the phone with him. He supposedly is married with kids but that never stops affairs from happening, that I can tell. Ive had thoughts of finding him or confronting her but I have also heard that could drive them closer together. Not sure what to do. I just feel lonely and stuck. until i found a reliable help online who help me reconcile our marriage back together again,, he is capable of any life issues, good luck to you all,, Amen