One of the things that troubles us is our self esteem and our self confidence. We can sometimes see ourselves as;
- being of no value,
- unimportant to others, and,
To have these feelings can sap us of energy and the ability to start new things. They can affect our relationships and then lead to other problems down the track. When things go badly for us it only adds to the things that we feel about ourselves. This cycle only reinforces itself, and we get stuck because it is very hard to break out of it on our own.
However, using psychotherapy, we can break down the operation of this cycle and start to replace it with a different pattern. We can begin to address these views, which can then start to replace them with feelings of;
- Being valued,
- Being important to others, and,
What you need to know
The five most important things that you can know about self-esteem and self confidence – the things I would really want to impress on you – are these;
- You weren't born this way
When you were born you were probably just a normal happy baby, like any other. You would have had your own individual characteristics but you were probably pretty much like any other baby, full of life and confidence. As you were growing and exploring, your confidence was growing too.
- Some people are very uncomfortable with the self-confidence of others
Your confidence makes them remember how little confidence they feel, and they can be resentful. Your parents or other close family members may have been like this, and quite unaware of it.
- You had to hide yourself away
Your natural self-esteem and self-confidence needed to be kept hidden from others. Our natural self-confidence grows as it is positively responded to, and matures into quiet self-assurance. If it isn't responded to well, we come to see of it as damaging to the relationships we have with our parents and we need hide it away.
- It started with someone else
Since a loss of self-confidence or self-esteem can seem all encompassing, it can seem as if us losing our confident self was our own fault. This is not true. Our self-confidence needed the responses of others to mature, and this was not provided by our caregivers.
- You can restore your self-esteem and self-confidence
Through repetition of the right sort of responses in a therapeutic environment you can start to re-awaken the self-confidence in you that lies sleeping. This is how brains work; repetition strengthens physical pathways in your brain.
My approach with working with my clients is in two stages;
In this stage, we work with the immediate problems. The aim is to:
- reduce your symptoms,
- get you stabilised, and,
- allow you to cope better.
In this stage we start to look at the underlying causes. The aim is to;
- get you back on your feet,
- give you greater resilience, and,
- allow you to develop and grow.
These two stages almost always overlap in practice – we deal with the immediate problems at the same time that we look at their causes. My work is always guided by the needs of my client and this comes from our experience of what works best for you.
If this is of interest, my initial consultation is at no cost and there is no further obligation. Come in, have a chat and then we can work out what you can do from here. I see clients in Richmond and Sunbury.