Overthinking It? Maybe That’s Okay
Have you ever been told that you’re overthinking it? You might hear this from others; your partner, your friends or your colleagues. They might imply that thinking too much about
Changing Our Individual Responses to Stress
Different circumstances in our lives require us to respond in a variety of ways to meet the challenges they present. Sometimes we need to be able to push ourselves –
Is This Depression? Recognising the Signs
Recent years have seen significant and very encouraging advances in both the treatment and recognising depression. More people are able to recognise that someone is suffering from depression and to feel
What to Do to Feel Less Shame
Sometimes we are sure our faults are blindingly obvious to everyone. We have just done something we feel is a mistake and we are sure everyone has noticed; it seems
Resilience: Vulnerability, Stress and Coping
When we are in trouble – particularly with emotional or personal problems – there is a simple model that can help us understand our circumstances. This model is called the
How an Atmosphere of Evaluation Crushes Us
Many of us are aware of the damage that an atmosphere of constant criticism can have on a child. This type of environment destroys self-confidence, increases anxiety and decreases their
When We Have the Wrong Feelings
Many life events are traditionally associated with strong feelings; grief is associated with the death of someone close to us; joy is associated with the birth of a child and
The Choice After Trauma: Remember or Enact
We have all have had things in our past that we wish had not happened to us. When this is true, it is a temptation for us to actively not
Patience and the Pursuit of Change
Sometimes we know we need to change, but we doubt we can – and we don’t know how to do it even if it were possible. We feel that someone
Stopping the Endless Search for the Greener Grass
Most of us will have heard the expression “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence”. It’s an elegantly simple quote that seems to imply that
The Seeds of Today Were Planted Yesterday
Life can be very tough. Many people find life difficult, with difficult work environments, unsatisfactory relationships, time and money pressures. We usually manage to keep our heads above water but
Using Shame as a Weapon on Another
Each of us has someone that we wish would change. We have tried being supportive, understanding, helpful and directive, but still they remain unchanged. It can be extremely frustrating and
The Myth of the Good Experience
One of the most enduring ideas we have is that if we have bad experiences, then we only need a good experience to counteract them. But we can end up
When Antidepressants Aren’t Enough
People who suffer from depression are prescribed antidepressants because there is a place for them in managing this condition. However, for some people they may not be enough; for them, a
Counselling Priorities: Exploring or Coping?
When people think about starting a process like counselling or psychotherapy, the first thing that many of them think about is how painful it is to start exploring history and
Secrets: In Time, Truth Will Out
Difficult things happen to all of us. Sometimes when this happens we often protect ourselves from these traumatic memories by removing them from our conscious — effectively, forgetting them. This
Soothing and Living with Your Inner Critic
Many of us have an inner critic that sits on our shoulder and judges all that we do. This constant stream of commentary and advice is undermining and can leave
The Safe Emergency
Picture your ideal learning environment. It is calm and tranquil, relaxing and non-stressful. You feel that in such an environment you will learn effortlessly with good recall. Whilst there are
Is Our Character Made Better by Bad Experiences?
We have all heard the expression that experiences are character building; the implication is that the worse the experience is, the better the character built. The idea seems to have
How Calm People Make us Infuriated
It is pretty common for couples to fight, with one person angry and upset and the other person trying to calm the situation down. Yet, doing this doesn’t actually make
The Anxious One, The Calm One
Sometimes in a couple – let’s call them Sam and Lee – you might find one of them seems quite calm and the other might seem quite anxious. It would
Vulnerability and The Paradox of Defence
It’s very common for us to want to change our thought patterns or behaviours. We can be uncomfortable with these aspects of ourselves, and find that other people criticise us