Getting Help With Porn Use
I am a psychotherapist and counsellor in the Melbourne inner suburbs. One of my specialities is helping men who feel they have a porn addiction by providing pornography use counselling.
You know it’s a problem
If you're trying to deal with problems of using porn, you know it's a serious problem – it can seem to take over your whole life. Many people find that the longer that they use porn, the worse that it becomes.
You also know that it isn't just about sex.
Sure, you might be looking at sexual material but deep down you know it's a more than just that. Sometimes you'll find yourself looking at porn and you aren't even feeling aroused, but you still find it irresistible.
This is because, in my experience, problems with pornography start as something else. Often what can seem to us as small difficulties in childhood can give rise to long-lasting effects, and you can experience them in adulthood as a lack of confidence and being unsure of who you are. In other words, troubled adolescents / young adults turn to aspects of their sexuality and porn to resolve the hurts of previous years.
Pornography and your relationship
If you are in a relationship, it's probably a deep secret that you can't even tell your partner about. You might be worried that it is doing your relationship damage and changing the way that you feel about sex. It can easily take you further and further away from your partner, and you're concerned that they think something's up … or maybe you've been found out and you need to make a change now.
Pornography and the single person
If you are single, you wonder how you're ever going to get a relationship, and you worry about the effect the porn has had on your sex life.
Why you keep going back to it
Either way, even though you've tried, you can't give the porn up – you keep going back.
This is the thing – if you are using pornography, you are getting a lot from it – that’s what keeps you coming back to it. You can't just expect to give it up like some people might urge you to. You need to be able to find out what psychological need it fills and how you can get this need filled in another way. This is the way out.
Pornography use counselling
Firstly, I'm not going to make you feel bad about using porn – you feel bad enough about it already. You feeling bad about using pornography doesn’t help you stop it. Perhaps you or others have described you as having a porn addiction
Secondly, believe it or not, you're going to find it pretty easy to talk to me about porn. Many people have already. Chances are, not talking – keeping it a secret – about it has been a burden for you.
It starts with understanding
When we work to change your pornography use, understanding is essential. We need to understand the sometimes complex reasons you use porn before you can expect to let it go. It's only through understanding that we can work out what essential need is being satisfied through your use of pornography, then start to deal with that need.
Once we do that, then the compulsion to use porn starts to dissipate.
It's not about willpower
It's also not about weakness. It is about understanding and gradual change. Some treatments just focus on changing your behaviour – this goes deeper than that because you know the problem is deeper than that.
With this approach it isn't about keeping your guard up for the rest of your life – it's about feeling the need to do it less.
A few more things you need to know;
Firstly, what we talk about is confidential – no-one gets to hear what we discuss.
Secondly, even if you have been sent along by someone else, I'm working with you and for you – not them.
Thirdly – it can be done.
Lastly, some people find that doing pornography use counselling as couples counselling works really well for them. It can allow a conversation to take place where each of you can understand the other's point of view. It can be a solid first step towards improving the situation and repairing the damage.
If it's time to take action, contact me and we'll make a time to talk. The initial consultation is at no cost or obligation. You can also read more about my approach to working with problematic pornography use at my other site, Beyond Porn Addiction.
Come in, have a chat and work out what you can do from here. I offer pornography use counselling in Richmond and Sunbury.