Did I Do The Wrong Thing or Was I Just Unlucky?
When things go wrong, we can often think in two different ways; we can wonder if we were just unlucky, or we wonder if we did the wrong thing. Sometimes it can be difficult to actually tell what went wrong. However, what we assume was the problem can tell us a great deal about ourselves.
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Things go wrong
We don’t get jobs we apply for, we get involved in accidents, we put our trust in people who let us down. Naturally, when things do go wrong there can be all sorts of different reasons for it. Sometimes we can figure out what went wrong, but other times we just don’t know – and can’t find out. When we don’t know, our thoughts can become obsessive; our thinking process gets tainted by our habitual ways of thinking about ourselves and our lives.
The assumption of bad luck
When we assume that we have been unlucky, it can be an indication that we feel that we are always faced with bad luck, can’t take a trick and live under a cloud. This could be an indication that our take on the world is essentially pessimistic. It can even mean that we feel we are being punished for some reason. This is quite a difficult position to be in; it perpetuates a mindset that can be hard to change, particularly if there is no evidence we trust to the contrary. With this mindset, it can be hard to find the motivation to do things.
The assumption of fault
On the other hand, we can wonder if we did the wrong thing even when there is no clear evidence that we have done so. If we do this habitually it may be an indication that we tend to think of ourselves as always wrong and never getting it right. This is also a difficult position to be in, as it makes it hard for us to feel like we are ever going to get it right. On the times when we do get things right, ironically it can just seem like luck, not good judgement and effort. Similarly, with this mindset it can be hard to find the motivation to do things.
Working with our assumptions
Working with a psychotherapist can help us understand the unconscious assumptions we make about ourselves, and help us make changes so that we can have a more balanced perspective on who we are. We take responsibility for the wrongs we do, but we also stop taking the blame for what isn’t our fault. With a clear perspective, we can find the courage to attempt things that might have not been possible for us before.
– Tim Hill
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