Our Need to Interfere: Letting Others Be

Sometimes we just can't help ourselves, and want to get involved in the lives of other people. We sometimes can't resist our need to interfere and control even those closest to us; we do it even when we know it doesn't do them or us any good. How can we learn to leave other people alone?

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Watching the problems unfold

Sometimes we are so sure that we have all the answers. We see people, typically family members, going through what we have gone through and it hurts us. We feel that only if they could hear our advice and follow it, their lives would be easier and they could avoid the pain that we are so certain is to come. But when they continue on their own course it can be frustrating and exasperating for us to see it all unfold.

Our advice is ignored; they get hurt, and we get hurt.

Our need to interfere – a recipe for misery

It's a recipe for misery. The way out of it is to realise that other people are not the same as us. Even though the situation can seem similar to the one we have been in, it isn't the same, and they aren't the same as us. The things that worked for us may not work for them, or, there is no guarantee at all that there is any way to avoid the difficulties to come. Further, some adversities have the effect of strengthening us and to stop the circumstances denies the person the growth they need.

It comes from our weaknesses, not our strengths

Sometimes our attempts to control other people stem from our own weaknesses, not our strengths. If we can learn to better understand ourselves and try to come to terms with our own limitations, then we are less likely to interfere with other people. That's usually good for them, and it's usually good for us.

– Tim Hill

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