How to Keep A Focus on the Future
One of the reservations that people have about starting counselling is that it will all be about their past. For many people who have had a difficult past, it's not surprising that they would be unwilling to immerse themselves in it again. However, it's a misconception to think that counselling or psychotherapy is all about the past – in fact, it's just the opposite, with a strong focus on the future.
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It's about the past – and the future
Certainly, understanding the past can be very important for understanding the way that we are now. We can be very influenced by the events of the past; our lives strongly reverberate to the things that have happened to us. Certainly, popular culture gives us the picture that the process of counselling or psychotherapy is about digging into our history. We can also be overly concerned with the past actions of someone else.
With this in mind, it's easy to believe that the process of counselling or psychotherapy will be one of endless examination of what happened in the past. From this point of view, it is understandable that you might not want to do this, or at least question the wisdom of doing so. It can seem that therapy would be a never-ending process of painful archaeology.
Psychotherapy – helping you to live now
However, the purpose of psychotherapy and counselling is firmly about living in the future. Even though we are complex beings, no matter what happened to us, the question for everybody is, “How can I make the most of the life that I have?” For this reason, I firmly believe that a focus on the future is essential for psychotherapy and counselling.
We are interested in the past; but it's in how we can use the past to understand the present and to make a better future. Therapy is designed to help us live for tomorrow, despite what happened yesterday.
Let me know what you think in the comments. If you found this interesting, you may like another blog post, Thinking About The Past.
Tim Hill
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Hi Tim:
I posted on your “Thinking About the Past” blog. Just wanted to say that I take comfort and hope in your comment that “change is possible even when you don’t know how to change, when things seem hopeless or when the odds are stacked against you”. So many days I feel like the odds are stacked against me and that things are hopeless. I recently experienced something that caused me great embarrassment and humiliation and am struggling to move past it. Other than that, I am blessed with a wonderful life. I am working with a therapist on making peace with the past as I am a terrible ruminator and it is causing me great distress and affecting my life in so many ways. I wish I lived near you as you sound like a wonderful therapist. I also liked when you said “Therapy is designed to help us live for tomorrow, despite what happened yesterday.” So true….if only I could stop ruminating!
Thank you for making me feel like there is hope.
Mary Ann
Hi Mary Ann, I’m very pleased that what I have written has been of help for you, and thanks for you kind words. The feeling that that things are hopeless and with the odds stacked against you sounds like a very difficult place to be. Even though things are difficult, I am glad that you are in the hands of a therapist, and really hope that they can gradually help you to ruminate less and get beyond this event in the past. One of the blessings of time is that it slowly floats us downstream, away from our unpleasant memories, a little further everyday. All the best for the future.
Thank you. Yes, I have definitely found what you have said about time being true….it does definitely float us downstream and away from unpleasant memories a little further every day. Your words have spoken volumes to me and will help me on my journey to healing…thank you.
Hi Tim
I have only just seen your blog . I
have realised that I am ruminating a lot recently and it’s blotting my future . I am at an age where I feel time is running out and I am grieving over not having found the love of my life .Well I did but but unfortunately the relationships became untenable . I know find myself going over and over these relationships saying “ what if “ One can feel lonely even if people are around .. and that’s how I feel.
It’s the feeling every morning of loneliness , cooking for one , sitting alone in the evenings.
I still work part time so that’s fills a few hours and I walk and walk with my dogs and potter out the garden to fill my hours … if I sit quietly I go back to ruminating and feel myself being dragged under again ..
People say in life all you need is love ..and I feel
sad I haven’t .
Do you do more blogs as I found the one I read very comforting .
Than you