Comments (4)

  1. Anna Prudovski 24.06.2017 at 01:46

    Great post, Tim, thank you!

  2. Nicole Hind 24.06.2017 at 13:05

    So very very true Tim. I like the idea of a goal being ‘interdependence’ rather than independence. Another favourite word of mine is ‘co-regulation’. We think that people are ‘self-regulating’ when they deal with the rise and fall of emotions in relatively healthy ways, but actually it is possible (likely even) that people who seem to genuinely handle emotions well are co-regulating… like in relation to/with other people even if they’re not actually speaking to them. Tuning into themselves and other people and then themselves again. Somatic practitioners do this in their work. So it’s understandable if you didn’t have a reasonably healthy environments growing up- as you’ve commented on here about what we do as babies, completely reliant on caregivers- you might not have an innate ability to co-regulate, or to be interdependent in relationships BUT we can all certainly learn how and then pass on better ways of being with people. That’s one of the loveliest parts of our work as counsellors I think.

  3. Tim Hill 24.06.2017 at 13:24

    Hi Nicole, the point you make about co-regulation is very important. Like you say, not only do we do it with people who we are with, but we also do it with the representations of people we carry in our minds. I can imagine that this might look like being proud of your actions because they will impress someone important to you, but may also take the form of stopping ourselves doing something to avoid an unpleasant reaction from another person. Or we might be inspired by someone else’s example. Although Freud was such a pioneer in the area of mental health, he gave to much emphasis to what goes on inside a person rather than what happens between people. As counsellors, not only do we need to help people self-regulate but also look for a range of resources outside themselves to use as sources of co-regulation – all the while fostering the idea that we aren’t alone.

  4. Tim Hill 24.06.2017 at 13:25

    Thank you Anna!

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