Facing our Unfinished Business

Many of us have unfinished business, or things left over from the past. Often, these are things we should have done or said, or something that should have been done or said to us. These things drag at us daily, pulling us down like a pocket full of old coins. We don't deal with our unfinished business because we don't know how or because it seems too difficult. However, there are ways to begin.

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It is still with us

Even though our unfinished business might be from the past, it is still with us today. It affects how we think about ourselves – leading to unhelpful self-criticism –  and how we relate to other people. It is woven into our core and the people that we have become. We know we should do something about it, but we desperately hope that we won't have to. And yet, every time we think of it, we are repetitively reminded of the burden of it.

Things we should have done

Part of our hesitation about dealing with our unfinished business is the dread that we might have to speak to another person involved in the original situation. The idea of bringing up the situation with that person can easily raise fears that we will be embarrassed or the other person will be embarrassed. All of this makes it very difficult and so we keep putting it off.

Doing this doesn't resolve it, it just makes it fester within us.

Therapy helps with unfinished business

Unfinished business is one of the reasons people come to counselling and psychotherapy. Sometimes they have too many regrets. They decide that enough is enough, and they want to do something about it – even if they aren't sure what they can do.

This is a very common problem in therapy and good therapists know how to work with you to help you with your unfinished business. Through this process, you begin to see the original event for what is and become reconciled to what you and other people did. We can't change the past, but we can change the effect the past has on us.

I'd be interested to know what you thought about this. Now, read about how to deal with your hidden anxiety.

Tim Hill

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