Our Drives: Satisfying the Insatiable
It’s a commonly held view that we want too much as adults because we were too spoiled when we were young. More particularly, as adults we focus excessively on compulsive
How an Atmosphere of Evaluation Crushes Us
Many of us are aware of the damage that an atmosphere of constant criticism can have on a child. This type of environment destroys self-confidence, increases anxiety and decreases their
Don’t Fight the Pendulum: Let Yourself Be
We struggle so hard to change. From all around us we hear the message that we need to change, we need to get better, and that the way we currently
When We Have the Wrong Feelings
Many life events are traditionally associated with strong feelings; grief is associated with the death of someone close to us; joy is associated with the birth of a child and
Intersection of Perspectives
This is the second time this has happened to me recently; I was out riding my bike and came to a give way sign at an intersection. There was a
Getting to Know the Different Parts of Us
When people come to therapy to get help, they usually have one major thing on their mind; the thing they have identified as a problem. Often this problem can be
Too Much Self-Blame Does No-one Any Good
When people tell me their problems and we try to work out how things came to be this way, it usually boils down to the client feeling that their problems
The Slow Work of Making Progress
If you are seeking counselling or psychotherapy, you can sometimes have the idea that the therapist will be able to make dramatic changes to your life through brief observation and
Depression: What Helps (Instead of Advice)
If you’re one of the millions of people who suffers from depression, you know the challenges are significant. The demands that our professional lives make of us when we are
Our Habits: Beyond Control to Mastery
We often have habits in our life that we want to be able to stop. To do this, we strive to control them, and once we feel we are controlling
The Choice After Trauma: Remember or Enact
We have all have had things in our past that we wish had not happened to us. When this is true, it is a temptation for us to actively not
The Uncontained: Being Out of Control
For some people, it can be hard to contain and control how they feel and how they act. This is extremely frustrating for the person and can cause difficulties in
Patience and the Pursuit of Change
Sometimes we know we need to change, but we doubt we can – and we don’t know how to do it even if it were possible. We feel that someone
A Boy’s Pride: The Green Sash
For many Australians, Ned Kelly is an iconic figure. Opinions as sharply drawn on whether he was a hero or a villain. For many people the important thing about Ned
Myth: Responsibility for your Communication
I recently heard some people on the train talking about the need to be 100% responsible for your communication with other people. It got me thinking, and I came to
When Pleasing Others Becomes a Problem
Many of us find it hard to say ‘no’ to other people; we end up saying ‘yes’ many more times than we really want to. We usually do this in
Psychologically, You Are Only Born Twice
When we come into this world, we come in with a number of personality characteristics and traits that we inherit from our parents. These characteristics and traits, which we might
Resist Change!
We can often feel a great pressure from other people to change. For whatever reason, it can be hard to be accepted for who we are. We can find ourselves
Strike When the Iron is Cold
We have all heard the expression ‘strike while the iron is hot’ and this can leave us thinking that the best way to handle relationship issues is right here and
When Advice Doesn’t Help
There are things we don’t know, and when we don’t know them it’s tempting to seek the advice of other people. This can often be a good idea, especially if
Cages of our own Making [updated]
Many of us are familiar with the concept of psychological defences; we do certain things or avoid other things to protect ourselves from the things in life that we find
The Seduction of the ‘Born Alone’ Myth
Many of us have heard the expression that ‘we are born alone and we die alone’; many of us have nodded our heads at the wisdom of it, feeling that
The Price of Honesty is Honesty
For many of us, it is important that the people around us are honest. We want to be able to trust what we hear. Conversely, when we are around people
Caught Between Wishing and Fearing
For each of us, there are things that we want and things that we don’t want. It seems natural to assume that we work towards having the things we want,